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Youth report that one of their biggest reasons for choosing not to use drugs is because they do not want to disappoint their family. Parents can encourage this sense of family connectivity in the following ways:
- have fun together as a family
- share the chores of the household
- have family meetings to make plans and settle problems
- develop family rituals – Friday night pizza, summer camping trip
- celebrate – birthdays, holidays, graduations
- one-on-one time with each child
- share interests – do something that both parent and child enjoy
- eat together
- be there at bedtime
- say, “I’m so glad you are my son/daughter” often
- be reliable – if you cannot be there, have a time each day when you call
- be a willing driver – it’s a good time to talk
- reasonable expectations
- clearly communicated expectations and rules – no surprises
- all children treated fairly
- consistent consequences
Listen carefully
- stop what you are doing
- look at them
- don’t interrupt them
- show that you understand by reflecting back what they say
Give them words for their emotions
We often group all our negative emotions under one word, for example, “stressed.” But what we are experiencing may actually be anger or frustration or disappointment or humiliation or exhaustion.
“Stressed” may have just one response linked to it – taking a drink or a pill. When we correctly identify what we are feeling, a new menu of more effective responses opens up. For example, if “exhaustion” is what we are really feeling, then maybe we need to go to bed, not take a pill.
Stay approachable
Be willing to talk about difficult and embarrassing subjects.
Be alert to “teachable moments” when kids ask for your opinion.
Talk respectfully to them.
Avoid lecturing
They don’t hear us anyway. Focus on what you need to happen, not what they are doing wrong.
E.g., “I need a smoke-free home.”
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